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Credit Tales

     Here are some true letters we received from people with less than perfect credit. Call to add new ones! Here are the most creative ones:

  • I was unconscious for two months after falling down a flight of stairs and didn't pay my bills until I woke up.

  • My aunt Sara from Slobonia died and I had to leave the country suddenly.  I was so saddened by the loss, I went into a drunken stupor for 3 months before I returned to pay my bills.

  • The local drug rehabilitation center needed some volunteers to test a new medication.  I had a bad reaction and was hospitalized for 8 weeks , and couldn't pay my bills.

  • I have a recurring problem with amnesia (loss of memory) and I forgot to pay my bills for 5 months.

  • We live in a flood zone and my mail was destroyed by floods which occurred on the first of the month, four months in a row.  You can verify this by calling the Guiness' Book of Records.

  • Our family has moved 14 times over the last two years and our mail from the 1st hasn't caught up with us yet.  As soon as I receive the bills, I'll pay them.  Please note our new address when you send us the loan commitment.

  • My son, Aardvark, raises goats in his bedroom.  Every other month, they escape and eat my bills.  I have to wait for the next mail delivery to make the payments.

  • I work for a company that canged their payroll payment policy from weekly to quarterly (every 3 months).  That's why I was 90 days late on my recent obligations.

  • My name is Yonkernosecine and it is a very common name in our midwest town.  The mailman always delivers my mail to the wrong family which causes me to be 30 days late most of the time.

  • Our neighbor Sam Schneiderman has been mad at me for six months.   Her is retired and he has been stealing my mail.  That is why I was 180 days late on my mortgage and credit card payments.

 

Crazy Glossary (Found hanging in our underwriter's office!)

  • A.R.M.    Abbreviation for Arbitrary Ridiculous Mumbo-Jumbo

  • Appraiser    The greatest person in the world (if value comes in high) or an idiot (If value comes in low.)

  • Disclosure    The opportunity given to all lenders to show that they do not really know how to explain what the borrower is about to do.

  • Eligibility    The dating status of a single applicant.

  • Gross Income    Something all borrowers have, regardless of those pesky tax returns which seem to indicate otherwise!

  • Pre Qualified    "Looks good to me, heh, heh, heh"

  • Proposed Roommate Rental Income    One of the many comments made by borrowers and realtors that make it difficult to keep a straight face.

  • Qualify    Shoving a square peg into a round hole.

  • Ratios    An amount of something you are supposed to have compared to an amount you do not have.

  • Rejection    A difference of opinion

  • Rental Agreement    A piece of paper provided so you can ignore the pesky tax returns again!

  • Slam-Dunk Loan    Used to describe a loan which will make you want to slam the loan application in the trash or dunk it in a vat of boiling oil.

  • Submit a loan    To close your eyes, hold your breath, and against your better judgment fork over the file to the underwriter.

  • Suspended Loan    All the items you knew you needed when the file was submitted that you hoped and prayed the underwriter would not ask for just this one time!

  • Tentative Approval    Approval subject to obtaining a credit report, appraisal, property, and all documentation.

  • Thirty Day Processing Time    There is no definition.   It does not mean anything.

  • Underwriter    a mortgage God